7 days
It took just 7 days for life as i knew to come to an end.
It took 7 days for 23 years to become beautiful memories
7 days...... it took 7 days for my husbands heart to stop beating.
The doctors said his heart would be the last to stop working, of course..... it was connected to mine, and I wasn’t ready to let him go.
7 days, they seemed endless. The quiet of the hospital room for some is described as peaceful, tranquil. For me, I knew it was the beginning of the end of the family as I knew it, it was far from peaceful. I was full of panic. What would I do, how would I deal with the kids, how would I continue each day without him? Why? Always why?
My husband was an alcoholic, high functioning for so many years, that I didn’t see the crash coming. I didn’t notice the decline to non functioning, until it was too late. By the time it became apparent, the damage had been done.
Between the depression and alcoholism, my hero, the love of my life, my perfect other half...... was a distant memory. We tried detox, rehab, counseling, nothing worked. Life was too complicated for him. Life was too hard for him. I couldn’t picture life without him, and he couldn’t picture living life anymore. He was tired. He was sick. He was done. I was crushed.
This was a draft I started months ago, and never finished.
We have almost a year under our belts. The “ year of first”... Some mornings I still wake up forgetting he’s gone, there are days it’s inconceivable in my head and heart to believe he’s actually gone. The panic of “ what am I going to do” is gone. There’s no panic anymore, but most days, there’s a sense of forgetting something, something not quite right, and I cant always put my finger on it.
Holidays have come and gone. Always a deep sense of missing someone, the hardest one by far was Valentine’s Day. The day set aside for Love. We would take this day as a challenge. You see, it was also his birthday. He would try and outdo my birthday wishes to him, with Valentines wishes for me..... he would always win. He always won. His cards, his gifts were always the best. He had a knack of picking cards like no one other. I have about 20 years worth of cards stashed away, collecting dust and memories.
I have a happy heart. I’m a happy person, I always see the glass as half full. Always feel there’s a solution, never see a problem that cant be solved. Rose coloured glasses all the way!! This, this has made me aware, that.... there are some problems, that I cant solve, that for some, the glass really is empty, and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to see that for some people, life is not worth living, that death, is such a much better solution.
The kids and I are on a road to recovery. It’s been a road filled with love. Love from family, friends and strangers. We ARE ok..... we ARE living, laughing, and continuing on. Some days a little sadder, some days a little uncertain, but everyday doing life.... life as we know it now.
It took just 7 days for life as i knew to come to an end.
It took 7 days for 23 years to become beautiful memories
7 days...... it took 7 days for my husbands heart to stop beating.
The doctors said his heart would be the last to stop working, of course..... it was connected to mine, and I wasn’t ready to let him go.
7 days, they seemed endless. The quiet of the hospital room for some is described as peaceful, tranquil. For me, I knew it was the beginning of the end of the family as I knew it, it was far from peaceful. I was full of panic. What would I do, how would I deal with the kids, how would I continue each day without him? Why? Always why?
My husband was an alcoholic, high functioning for so many years, that I didn’t see the crash coming. I didn’t notice the decline to non functioning, until it was too late. By the time it became apparent, the damage had been done.
Between the depression and alcoholism, my hero, the love of my life, my perfect other half...... was a distant memory. We tried detox, rehab, counseling, nothing worked. Life was too complicated for him. Life was too hard for him. I couldn’t picture life without him, and he couldn’t picture living life anymore. He was tired. He was sick. He was done. I was crushed.
This was a draft I started months ago, and never finished.
We have almost a year under our belts. The “ year of first”... Some mornings I still wake up forgetting he’s gone, there are days it’s inconceivable in my head and heart to believe he’s actually gone. The panic of “ what am I going to do” is gone. There’s no panic anymore, but most days, there’s a sense of forgetting something, something not quite right, and I cant always put my finger on it.
Holidays have come and gone. Always a deep sense of missing someone, the hardest one by far was Valentine’s Day. The day set aside for Love. We would take this day as a challenge. You see, it was also his birthday. He would try and outdo my birthday wishes to him, with Valentines wishes for me..... he would always win. He always won. His cards, his gifts were always the best. He had a knack of picking cards like no one other. I have about 20 years worth of cards stashed away, collecting dust and memories.
I have a happy heart. I’m a happy person, I always see the glass as half full. Always feel there’s a solution, never see a problem that cant be solved. Rose coloured glasses all the way!! This, this has made me aware, that.... there are some problems, that I cant solve, that for some, the glass really is empty, and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to see that for some people, life is not worth living, that death, is such a much better solution.
The kids and I are on a road to recovery. It’s been a road filled with love. Love from family, friends and strangers. We ARE ok..... we ARE living, laughing, and continuing on. Some days a little sadder, some days a little uncertain, but everyday doing life.... life as we know it now.
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